Jailbird - life basically

alone in a crowd

you have a thousand friends but you call me. and i'm not even your friend.. now thats just sad.

2013-03-29 @ 10:31:17 Permalink Allmänt Kommentarer (0) Trackbacks ()

mansjävel!

jag kommer inte kräva dig på pengar. jag skiter i vad du har för jobb eller vad du tjänar. jag vill inte bo i din lägenhet. jag kommer inte ringa å säga att jag är på smällen med din unge.

jag är en vanlig tjej som vill träffa nån, nån å dela grejer med, ha kul med, chilla med, ligga med, gräla med. sånt vanligt. sen går du hem till ditt ställe å jag stannar här. ibland sover du över.

du ska bara ha jävligt klart för dig att jag har ett eget liv men du behöver inte oroa dig heller, för jag finns här.

2013-03-13 @ 21:33:59 Permalink Allmänt Kommentarer (0) Trackbacks ()

relationally challenged

I'm like totally mentally challenged when it comes to relationships. I obviously don't have a problem starting them, but when it comes to taking it to the next step it just fucks up. I met someone and we like got together five times a week and everything was so great but then all of a sudden it all changed. All my nerves was like out there, sensing every tone and of course I thought everything felt different and he totally behaved different. Or did he?

Like I seriously need to think about how I AM acting cos I think I have a tendency of changing into a cold bitch. But that actually means I like you. When I'm like all jokes and fun - I don't really care about you yet, but I want you to care about me. But then I get all awkward, say aaall the wrong things and seem fucked up - that's partially cos I am but also bcos I'm getting feelings for you.

How do you quiiiiiit this behaviour cos I am seriously so sick of myself!!!! Where are you prince charming that gets me and sees beyond all the crap?!

"you can't always get what you want....but if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need..."

Also - you have this year, bcos of special circumstances, to smoke - but that is it you hear me - THAT'S IT!

No more. It is sooo bad for you. And if you could possibly quit before that - that would be awesome!

Could we make a deal - you start with a substitute end of the month and see how it goes? You may smoke at work a couple of times a day but no more ok?! This is for your own good!

Now focus on these kinds of things - movies, writing, music, dancing, work!! <3

2013-03-13 @ 21:01:07 Permalink Allmänt Kommentarer (0) Trackbacks ()

roundabout

so, in lack of better options i joined a site. but i've realized i'm not like i used to be back in the days - just out there, and didnt really have any sense of consequences. i just went for it.

i just can't do it. i look around at my friends and they're all in relationships and having babies and i am just so far from it and i'm really ambivalent about what i want. how do you know that you're ready for a serious relationship and where the fuck are you if so? i don't know where to look for you and i don't have the energy for it either.

i go to work, hang out with my friends, go out clubbin but i don't think that's where you're at.

maybe i need to cut off all my exes and flings. cos they're all still there. or a lot of them.

time to realize it's a reason it didn't really happen and why they don't have a bigger place in my life.

but it's really tough tho, they're like a safety line or something. but maybe you're not supposed to have any?

i'm tired. all the time. and sort of in a bubble. like i'm outside of myself at the moment and i can't really live in the presence. when people talk to me it's like i can't react naturally. i fake it cos i know how i am supposed to react. i want to feel alive. but i'm just waiting for a doctor to tell i have a huge tumour in my brain or something cos i just want it to be like this for a real reason. or am i depressed or something? i don't really have anything to be depressed about..

anyways . back to the site - i get emails from loads of guys but nobody does it for me. its just a load of shit. i need someone to really get me. but they're all like plain and boring. "what's your day been like" "what's up" like what? you really think you're so hot you don't have to come up with anything better than that? seriously.

nah, i don't think that's for me. buut, like everything else i can't end it for some reason. i'll just have to consider it for another year or so... ;)

2012-09-01 @ 00:38:57 Permalink Allmänt Kommentarer (0) Trackbacks ()

relationship status - single and all alone

I can honestly say it feels so good being single and don't have

anyone lined up. Not even a booty call.

I've had my share of boy trouble for a while now. If it isn't a whiny

boyfriend never thinking you could spend too much time together,

it's a one night stand giving you chlamydia or a fuck buddy who's

not even good in bed..

I think about guys a lot and I flirt. But that's totally fine.

I just don't want to have sex with anyone. I couldn't bare being

let down again - him not being either great in bed or the one for me.

I feel all my energy has been sucked out of constantly worrying

when he's gonna call, if he's mad again or why I always seem to feel

a little bit lonelier while seeing someone than I do on my own.

Is that because I just meet all the wrong guys?

I can't remember when I felt my entire world evovled around me and

a guy.

Lately I've just been wondering wether I'm wasting my time, when in

fact mr Right is waiting just around the corner and I'm too busy

to see. And that's why I feel I don't want to be locked down

in yet another relatinoship I know isn't going anywhere..

Also I wonder if I end up in them because I know there's no

future which makes it easier for me to fake it and never have

to let anyone in? And when they get to pushy I just end it.

Also I feel I have somehow lost myself along the way. Not feeling

worthy of love - only casual sex. Like a bad circle - starting with

guys thinking I am all but emotions and loving it. And I kind of liked

being diferent and all of a sudden I've become that person who's not

really me. I've turned into someone shallow I don't know.

And maybe being alone for a while can make me remember the real me

and maybe we could get to know eachother again.

I've lost myself so much I don't even know what I want and I almost

never defend myself.

It's time for a change to the better and I think it's true what they

say about not being able to be loved before you love yourself.

But how can you love someone you don't know?

I can honestly say it feels so good being single and don't have

anyone lined up. Not even a booty call.

I've had my share of boy trouble for a while now. If it isn't a whiny

boyfriend never thinking you could spend too much time together,

it's a one night stand giving you chlamydia or a fuck buddy who's

not even good in bed..

I think about guys a lot and I flirt. But that's totally fine.

I just don't want to have sex with anyone. I couldn't bare being

disappointed again - him not being either great in bed or the one for me.

I feel all my energy has been sucked out of constantly worrying

when he's gonna call, if he's mad again or why I always seem to feel

a little bit lonelier while seeing someone than I do on my own.

Is that because I just meet all the wrong guys?

I can't remember when I felt my entire world evovled around me and

a guy.

Lately I've just been wondering wether I'm wasting my time, when in

fact mr Right is waiting just around the corner and I'm too busy

to see. And that's why I feel I don't want to be locked down

in yet another relatinoship I know isn't going anywhere..

Also I wonder if I end up in them because I know there's no

future which makes it easier for me to fake it and never have

to let anyone in? And when they get too pushy I just end it.

Also I feel I have somehow lost myself along the way. Not feeling

worthy of love - only casual sex. Like a bad circle - starting with

guys thinking I am all but emotions and loving it. And I kind of liked

being different and all of a sudden I've become that person who's not

really me. I've turned into someone shallow I don't know.

And maybe being alone for a while can make me remember the real me

and maybe we could get to know each other again.

I've lost myself so much I don't even know what I want and I almost

never defend myself.

It's time for a change to the better and I think it's true what they

say about not being able to be loved before you love yourself.

But how can you love someone you don't know?

So - my new crush is Me. And hopefully it will grow into a deep and

eternal love. Cause in the end - all that matters is loving your

own company because you're kinda stuck with yourself til the end -

all the others can be replaced. ;)

2011-09-08 @ 23:11:16 Permalink Allmänt Kommentarer (0) Trackbacks ()

neighbours

ur floor is someone else's roof..

u actually live in an apartment building. how can anyone be this

arrogant?

so, i play loud music to zone it out cos i can't bear hearing them

massacre their floor.

and the vacuuming. late nites. work nites. wot is that all abt?

do they have a cleaning lady that work late nights or something?

i know this has been going on too long now cos it is totally driving

me crazy. i will call my landlord abt it i think. i feel i dont want

to take this fight.

i dont want any trouble, i just want them to stop.

and since not knowing who lives up there, i do not want to risk

facing them.

so long - i will continue listenin to loud music and loving it.

ur floor is someone else's roof..

u actually live in an apartment building. how can anyone be this

arrogant?

so, i play loud music to zone it out cos i can't bear hearing them

massacre their floor.

and the vacuuming. late nites. work nites. wot is that all abt?

do they have a cleaning lady that work late nights or something?

i know this has been going on too long now cos it is totally driving

me crazy. i dont wan to take this fight tho.

i dont want any trouble, i just want them to stop.

and since not knowing who lives up there, i do not want to risk

facing them.

furthermore - i will continue listenin to loud music and loving it.

2011-09-08 @ 23:09:55 Permalink Allmänt Kommentarer (0) Trackbacks ()

don't talk to strangers

"sweet" people are intimidating.. those are the kind of people you

never really know where u've got em. they are always super super cute and

friendly and then u hear them judging people harder than u wud ever

do urself.

i prefer people being just "nice" but also being able to say what they

feel as it goes which never leaves u wondering wether they're

honest or will start dirt talkin u the moment u turn ur back on them.

im known, only by myself tho, to end up in situations such as these.

im not really worried abt wot people say or think and i have a

history of never ending up in some big drama abt bullshitting people

but still, it makes me think more and more i shud really learn how

to watch my mouth. especially round people like this - since they

usually have a record of turning ur words into something much

bigger than it really was.

i did actually end up with a confrontation regarding this exact thing,

where i had been misquoted and it almost made me end up in deep shit

but i managed to talk my way out of it. that time.

i had to go back to the source to point this out - u don't further wot

ive said to u.

but still, i really need to just shut up.

i have gotten a little bit better since now ive done my work and we

will see how it turns out in abt two months.

i have not told e yet, and that proves good points. altho, who wants

to be known as the whiner?! all bullshit abt work is just overkill

anyway. thats why i keep my talkin with people in the business

altho i better not. i have a friend i can talk to abt this shit and

i think i shud just stick to her in the future regarding everything

except my collegaues at the union..all but one id say..

basically, "don't 'talk' to strangers" will be my new motto!