Jailbird

I can honestly say it feels so good being single and don't have

anyone lined up. Not even a booty call.

I've had my share of boy trouble for a while now. If it isn't a whiny

boyfriend never thinking you could spend too much time together,

it's a one night stand giving you chlamydia or a fuck buddy who's

not even good in bed..

I think about guys a lot and I flirt. But that's totally fine.

I just don't want to have sex with anyone. I couldn't bare being

let down again - him not being either great in bed or the one for me.

I feel all my energy has been sucked out of constantly worrying

when he's gonna call, if he's mad again or why I always seem to feel

a little bit lonelier while seeing someone than I do on my own.

Is that because I just meet all the wrong guys?

I can't remember when I felt my entire world evovled around me and

a guy.

Lately I've just been wondering wether I'm wasting my time, when in

fact mr Right is waiting just around the corner and I'm too busy

to see. And that's why I feel I don't want to be locked down

in yet another relatinoship I know isn't going anywhere..

Also I wonder if I end up in them because I know there's no

future which makes it easier for me to fake it and never have

to let anyone in? And when they get to pushy I just end it.

Also I feel I have somehow lost myself along the way. Not feeling

worthy of love - only casual sex. Like a bad circle - starting with

guys thinking I am all but emotions and loving it. And I kind of liked

being diferent and all of a sudden I've become that person who's not

really me. I've turned into someone shallow I don't know.

And maybe being alone for a while can make me remember the real me

and maybe we could get to know eachother again.

I've lost myself so much I don't even know what I want and I almost

never defend myself.

It's time for a change to the better and I think it's true what they

say about not being able to be loved before you love yourself.

But how can you love someone you don't know?

I can honestly say it feels so good being single and don't have

anyone lined up. Not even a booty call.

I've had my share of boy trouble for a while now. If it isn't a whiny

boyfriend never thinking you could spend too much time together,

it's a one night stand giving you chlamydia or a fuck buddy who's

not even good in bed..

I think about guys a lot and I flirt. But that's totally fine.

I just don't want to have sex with anyone. I couldn't bare being

disappointed again - him not being either great in bed or the one for me.

I feel all my energy has been sucked out of constantly worrying

when he's gonna call, if he's mad again or why I always seem to feel

a little bit lonelier while seeing someone than I do on my own.

Is that because I just meet all the wrong guys?

I can't remember when I felt my entire world evovled around me and

a guy.

Lately I've just been wondering wether I'm wasting my time, when in

fact mr Right is waiting just around the corner and I'm too busy

to see. And that's why I feel I don't want to be locked down

in yet another relatinoship I know isn't going anywhere..

Also I wonder if I end up in them because I know there's no

future which makes it easier for me to fake it and never have

to let anyone in? And when they get too pushy I just end it.

Also I feel I have somehow lost myself along the way. Not feeling

worthy of love - only casual sex. Like a bad circle - starting with

guys thinking I am all but emotions and loving it. And I kind of liked

being different and all of a sudden I've become that person who's not

really me. I've turned into someone shallow I don't know.

And maybe being alone for a while can make me remember the real me

and maybe we could get to know each other again.

I've lost myself so much I don't even know what I want and I almost

never defend myself. 

It's time for a change to the better and I think it's true what they

say about not being able to be loved before you love yourself.

But how can you love someone you don't know?