relationship status - single and all alone
I can honestly say it feels so good being single and don't have
anyone lined up. Not even a booty call.
I've had my share of boy trouble for a while now. If it isn't a whiny
boyfriend never thinking you could spend too much time together,
it's a one night stand giving you chlamydia or a fuck buddy who's
not even good in bed..
I think about guys a lot and I flirt. But that's totally fine.
I just don't want to have sex with anyone. I couldn't bare being
let down again - him not being either great in bed or the one for me.
I feel all my energy has been sucked out of constantly worrying
when he's gonna call, if he's mad again or why I always seem to feel
a little bit lonelier while seeing someone than I do on my own.
Is that because I just meet all the wrong guys?
I can't remember when I felt my entire world evovled around me and
a guy.
Lately I've just been wondering wether I'm wasting my time, when in
fact mr Right is waiting just around the corner and I'm too busy
to see. And that's why I feel I don't want to be locked down
in yet another relatinoship I know isn't going anywhere..
Also I wonder if I end up in them because I know there's no
future which makes it easier for me to fake it and never have
to let anyone in? And when they get to pushy I just end it.
Also I feel I have somehow lost myself along the way. Not feeling
worthy of love - only casual sex. Like a bad circle - starting with
guys thinking I am all but emotions and loving it. And I kind of liked
being diferent and all of a sudden I've become that person who's not
really me. I've turned into someone shallow I don't know.
And maybe being alone for a while can make me remember the real me
and maybe we could get to know eachother again.
I've lost myself so much I don't even know what I want and I almost
never defend myself.
It's time for a change to the better and I think it's true what they
say about not being able to be loved before you love yourself.
But how can you love someone you don't know?
I can honestly say it feels so good being single and don't have
anyone lined up. Not even a booty call.
I've had my share of boy trouble for a while now. If it isn't a whiny
boyfriend never thinking you could spend too much time together,
it's a one night stand giving you chlamydia or a fuck buddy who's
not even good in bed..
I think about guys a lot and I flirt. But that's totally fine.
I just don't want to have sex with anyone. I couldn't bare being
disappointed again - him not being either great in bed or the one for me.
I feel all my energy has been sucked out of constantly worrying
when he's gonna call, if he's mad again or why I always seem to feel
a little bit lonelier while seeing someone than I do on my own.
Is that because I just meet all the wrong guys?
I can't remember when I felt my entire world evovled around me and
a guy.
Lately I've just been wondering wether I'm wasting my time, when in
fact mr Right is waiting just around the corner and I'm too busy
to see. And that's why I feel I don't want to be locked down
in yet another relatinoship I know isn't going anywhere..
Also I wonder if I end up in them because I know there's no
future which makes it easier for me to fake it and never have
to let anyone in? And when they get too pushy I just end it.
Also I feel I have somehow lost myself along the way. Not feeling
worthy of love - only casual sex. Like a bad circle - starting with
guys thinking I am all but emotions and loving it. And I kind of liked
being different and all of a sudden I've become that person who's not
really me. I've turned into someone shallow I don't know.
And maybe being alone for a while can make me remember the real me
and maybe we could get to know each other again.
I've lost myself so much I don't even know what I want and I almost
never defend myself.
It's time for a change to the better and I think it's true what they
say about not being able to be loved before you love yourself.
But how can you love someone you don't know?
So - my new crush is Me. And hopefully it will grow into a deep and
eternal love. Cause in the end - all that matters is loving your
own company because you're kinda stuck with yourself til the end -
all the others can be replaced. ;)
neighbours
ur floor is someone else's roof..
u actually live in an apartment building. how can anyone be this
arrogant?
so, i play loud music to zone it out cos i can't bear hearing them
massacre their floor.
and the vacuuming. late nites. work nites. wot is that all abt?
do they have a cleaning lady that work late nights or something?
i know this has been going on too long now cos it is totally driving
me crazy. i will call my landlord abt it i think. i feel i dont want
to take this fight.
i dont want any trouble, i just want them to stop.
and since not knowing who lives up there, i do not want to risk
facing them.
so long - i will continue listenin to loud music and loving it.
ur floor is someone else's roof..
u actually live in an apartment building. how can anyone be this
arrogant?
so, i play loud music to zone it out cos i can't bear hearing them
massacre their floor.
and the vacuuming. late nites. work nites. wot is that all abt?
do they have a cleaning lady that work late nights or something?
i know this has been going on too long now cos it is totally driving
me crazy. i dont wan to take this fight tho.
i dont want any trouble, i just want them to stop.
and since not knowing who lives up there, i do not want to risk
facing them.
furthermore - i will continue listenin to loud music and loving it.
don't talk to strangers
"sweet" people are intimidating.. those are the kind of people you
never really know where u've got em. they are always super super cute and
friendly and then u hear them judging people harder than u wud ever
do urself.
i prefer people being just "nice" but also being able to say what they
feel as it goes which never leaves u wondering wether they're
honest or will start dirt talkin u the moment u turn ur back on them.
im known, only by myself tho, to end up in situations such as these.
im not really worried abt wot people say or think and i have a
history of never ending up in some big drama abt bullshitting people
but still, it makes me think more and more i shud really learn how
to watch my mouth. especially round people like this - since they
usually have a record of turning ur words into something much
bigger than it really was.
i did actually end up with a confrontation regarding this exact thing,
where i had been misquoted and it almost made me end up in deep shit
but i managed to talk my way out of it. that time.
i had to go back to the source to point this out - u don't further wot
ive said to u.
but still, i really need to just shut up.
i have gotten a little bit better since now ive done my work and we
will see how it turns out in abt two months.
i have not told e yet, and that proves good points. altho, who wants
to be known as the whiner?! all bullshit abt work is just overkill
anyway. thats why i keep my talkin with people in the business
altho i better not. i have a friend i can talk to abt this shit and
i think i shud just stick to her in the future regarding everything
except my collegaues at the union..all but one id say..
basically, "don't 'talk' to strangers" will be my new motto!
"sweet" people are intimidating.. those are the kind of people you
never really know where u've got em. they are always super super cute and
friendly and then u hear them judging people harder than u wud ever
do urself.
i prefer people being just "nice" but also being able to say what they
feel as it goes which never leaves u wondering wether they're
honest or will start dirt talkin u the moment u turn ur back on them.
im known, only by myself tho, to end up in situations such as these.
im not really worried abt wot people say or think and i have a
history of never ending up in some big drama abt bullshitting people
but still, it makes me think more and more i shud really learn how
to watch my mouth. especially round people like this - since they
usually have a record of turning ur words into something much
bigger than it really was.
i did actually end up with a confrontation regarding this exact thing,
where i had been misquoted and it almost made me end up in deep shit
but i managed to talk my way out of it. that time.
i had to go back to the source to point this out - u don't further wot
ive said to u.
but still, i really need to just shut up.
i have gotten a little bit better since now ive done my work and we
will see how it turns out in abt two months.
i have not told e yet, and that proves good points. altho, who wants
to be known as the whiner?! all bullshit abt work is just overkill
anyway. thats why i keep my talkin with people in the business
altho i better not. i have a friend i can talk to abt this shit and
i think i shud just stick to her in the future regarding everything
except my collegaues at the union..all but one id say..
basically, "don't 'talk' to strangers" will be my new motto!
